and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
