if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
