you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
