the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
