I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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