Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
