woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize