Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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