mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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