"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
