I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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