I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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