WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Boobs are out for the taking
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
