he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
