I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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