We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize