so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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