terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize