Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
