I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize