I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
