I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
