I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
