come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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