I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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