This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
