I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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