C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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