The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
