so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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