i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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