did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
