I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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