I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
