I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize