I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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