You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
