White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
