i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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