Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
