so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
