If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How external is "for external use only"?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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