everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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