i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
