Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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