I feel great
I just peed on a car
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
