Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
