he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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