plz talk dirty to me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
