'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
