Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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