I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
