I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
