Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
