I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize