they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
