When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
