How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
