who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
