i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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