that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
