If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
