Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
