My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Panties = found
Randomize
