the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
