I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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