Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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